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How do we live at peace with others when they try to cause drama or are toxic? How do we live at peace with those we disagree with? These are hard questions to tackle but let’s try!
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“Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord.”
I read the verse above right after getting a drama-provoking text from someone I know. At that point, I had a choice to either feed into the drama and tackle it head-on or let it go. I chose to go in between those two options by addressing the issue of love and dropped it when it was not well received.
Of course, I’m not perfect and don’t handle things perfectly. I do my best to live above reproach how Jesus wants me to…
Do you have people in your life who love to stir the pot of drama? It drives me nuts! The Bible literally talks about these kinds of people…
“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”
As Christians, it’s best to follow Jesus’ example of levels of closeness with others. Jesus had several followers or disciples but He chose 12 to train. From those 12, He had 3 close friends who saw what others never did.
Of course, there are times we can’t distance ourselves from coworkers, family, and acquaintances because they run in the same circles. Still, it is important to ensure we keep those we trust and can depend on in our innermost circle. We don’t want to allow just anyone the ability to speak into our lives and know all our business. Especially not those who have poor judgment.
How are we supposed to pursue peace with these kinds of people especially if they run in the same circles and can’t be avoided?
“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.”
If we keep the above verse in mind when dealing with conflict, it will help keep us level-headed. We can’t react in a horrible way like we want if we have self-control and are letting love rule our lives.
Sometimes the drama is just not worth it and we have to walk away or scroll past it. We can have commenting wars on social media or argue with trouble makers but what good does that do? It only causes us stress and continues to be a problem.
My mom instilled within my sister and me 3 things that have truly helped me handle conflict.
- If we don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.
- Treat others the way we want to be treated. (Leviticus 19:18, Mark 12:31)
- Place ourselves in other people’s shoes to see where they’re coming from and what they might be feeling.
Now, addressing a conflict with a mature person is different. If they’re mature and truly following the Lord, they will recognize when they are at fault and admit it even if it takes a little time.
Keep in mind that no one is perfect and people will let us down. We will let others down too. Even those who seem to have it all together and love Jesus the most fail at times.
In those moments, especially when they realize their error, we need to be quick to forgive. Why? Because Jesus won’t forgive us if we don’t forgive others.
What about times when people continually cause problems in our lives? That means they’re toxic and we must keep our distance as much as possible. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have to forgive them.
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
For example, my dad was toxic and there was really no way to avoid him. He would hurt us, say sorry, and then do it again. It was a vicious cycle and emotional roller coaster ride.
Once my parents finally separated, I could truly distance myself because I was over 18 years old and didn’t have to have visitation with my dad. Unfortunately, my sister couldn’t and they had all kinds of horrible fights including her getting out of his car while he was driving.
I grew to hate my dad and what he did to my mom, sister, and myself continually. That hate grew into bitterness for men in general and it was stealing my peace and joy. It didn’t hurt him at all, it was affecting me more than I realized.
Finally one day at church they had an altar call and asked those who are carrying bitterness and unforgiveness to come forward and get freedom. I went down and truly forgave my dad and felt a physical weight lift away from my body. He didn’t change but I forgave him.
My point in sharing this story is that sometimes we can’t escape toxic people. If that’s your situation, I’m so sorry you’re going through that. It’s imperative that even in those moments we try to live at peace and forgive those that do harm to us and others.
The Bottom Line
It’s best to avoid drama and toxic people but that can’t always happen. The healthiest way to deal with it is to operate in love and those 3 things my mom taught helped me as well. Then try our best to be at peace with everyone and forgive as we go.
Stay hopeful!
3 Comments
I was taught those same lessons.
That’s awesome, they’re easier said than done though! Lol
Life, if lived well, usually is. 🙂