Did you marry your complete opposite as I did? Is it possible to be so different from your spouse and still have a happy marriage? Let’s find out, shall we?
My husband and I are basically opposites in many ways. We also have similar interests and core beliefs. We both are very opinionated and passionate about why we think the way we do. There’s nothing wrong with that but we came into marriage thinking we would agree on everything. We don’t. 🙂
Before we were married, we learned from premarital counseling that expectations are “no-no’s”. We thought we could apply the advice easily but that didn’t work out. Expectation can be a good thing but we used it in a negative way by assuming things. We expected certain actions and reactions that didn’t happen.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married, avoid assumption like the plague! We can’t read each other’s minds so why do we get so upset when our spouse can’t? It’s not fair to put that kind of pressure on your spouse or for your spouse to put that kind of pressure on you.
Everyone raves that communication is key in marriage but how can we apply that? Here are two easy ways. First, clearly communicate your needs or desires to your spouse. Secondly, be open to hearing your spouse’s desires and needs. If you want to be heard, you need to do the same for your spouse.
I’m a passive person by nature so I’ve found that I tend to handle things passively instead of directly. My spouse is the opposite, he’s very direct and doesn’t mind cutting to the heart of the matter. Regardless of where you fall in the communication spectrum, keep the lines of gracious speech open.
Garrett and I have been trying to navigate through this thing called marriage for a little over three years. Thank God we are getting a lot better! We both have very different talents and abilities that differ from one another. I believe that God brought us together for a very specific purpose. I also believe God brought you and your spouse together to do great things together.
God's goal of marriage was not to change our spouse into being someone they're not! We have to learn that it's okay to be different!Click To Tweet
Men and women are naturally quite different but there are also differences between personalities. I myself am very emotional whereas my husband is not so much. He likes to talk more than I do (shocker I know). I like to keep a select group of close friends in my bubble while my husband will be friends with everyone. He gets by on less sleep usually staying up well past the time I’m in bed. I could go on but I think you’re getting the point here.
Most people it seems are attracted to opposite personalities. God calls a man and woman to be intertwined with various strengths and weaknesses to form one person. Maybe you don’t have different personalities but chances are, you all have different strengths and or weaknesses. Couples fit perfectly together and have strengths in areas that the other has weaknesses. We’re the ultimate package together.
It’s important in a marriage to NOT just “take take take” or “give give give”. There’s got to be compromising ground. But please, don’t try to force your will on your spouse or vice versa. Love your spouse enough to let them be who God created them to be. I’m not saying to let your spouse do harmful things to themselves or to others because “that’s just who they are”. I’m saying don’t let your personal bias or preferences cause constant contention in your marriage.
When we are married, we became one with our spouse. Mark 10:8 says, “(in marriage) ‘the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one.” If we don’t love and treat our spouses with respect, we are not loving ourselves. As Christians, we are called to show grace and compassion to one another. We are also called to be loving how 1 Corinthians 13 defines love. I challenge you to check out this chapter in the Bible regardless if you’ve read it already or not. Refreshers are always good!
Reflection
Some of us have good intentions but don’t realize we are bringing down on our spouse. Below are 3 questions to ask yourself:
- Do you love your spouse enough to let them be who they are?
- Do you love your spouse enough to let them do what they enjoy?
- Do you love your spouse with encouraging words?
You may be thinking ‘of course, I do these things’. But, I urge you to search your heart and see if there’s anything you could do better. No one is perfect and we can always improve on things. It’s crucial that we love our spouses and encourage them in their strengths and hobbies. Our goal is to protect their weaknesses and encourage their strengths. Not to change everything about them until they become our identical twin.
A Prayer For You
Lord Jesus, thank You for my spouse. Please show me how to become the spouse You created me to be. Show me how to love my spouse and let them be who You created them to be as well. In Jesus’ name, amen.
I’m excited about posing next week’s juicy content on marriage! It also ties in with this subject nicely. I think it’ll strike a chord in you if you’re like me! Until next time, stay hopeful!
