You may feel alone with your needs unmet or deeply hurt. Please don’t just stick out your marriage waiting on the death part lol. It’s funny but not, I understand. No matter how desperate your marriage situation may be, it is not completely hopeless. Marriage can be a beautiful thing instead of a miserable thing.
Two people come together in marriage to become one. The “only” problem is unless you come from the same parents (hopefully not that would be weird), you come from two very different backgrounds maybe even cultures and have different expectations for marriage and family. Men and women also think differently about things in general.
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Those differences are what make you unique individually and those differences will eventually complement each other. But at first, those differences may hurt trying to blend into your becoming one in marriage. Aka you want to fix each other. Some never make it past this stage of blending.
I wrote a piece on this while back called Fight For You Marriage When You Feel Like Giving Up. The enemy wants us to believe our spouse is our enemy because a happy healthy marriage and family makes him furious. Remember that your spouse is not the enemy. You are actually allies working towards the success of your common dreams and goals.
I’m certainly no pro at marriage and we don’t have a “perfect” marriage but my husband and I are working at it and improving. The first 2 years nearly broke us, but we are on the other side and married for almost 7 years now. Studies show that for most couples, happiness in marriage improves over time if you stay the course, and my husband and I are a testimony to that.
Institute for Family Studies says that “when couples stick together through difficult times, remain faithful to one another, and actively work to resolve problems, positive long-term outcomes (while not guaranteed) are common.” Marriages can also make it through infidelity take Lysa TerKeurst for example. To find out more on healing from infidelity see Recovering From An Affair.
Yes, marriage has its pitfalls at times and for many, it occurs early on but it also has its wonderful moments as well. I’m sure you can recall the most memorable moments or highs in your marriage. It’s important to remember those wonderful moments in marriage to help you get through the not-so-good moments.
It's important to remember those wonderful moments in marriage to help you get through the not-so-good moments.Click To TweetWhere are your roots?
My husband and I are literally opposite in many regards and have certainly had rocky moments especially in the first couple of years in marriage. If we hadn’t been rooted in God, we might not be together today or have the one-year-old beautiful little girl we have today.
If you don’t have deep roots in your marriage, nearly anything can destroy it. Garrett and I hold deep values in our faith in God which keeps us steadfast in the midst of marriage trials and other life struggles.
Love in marriage is a daily decision to love your spouse despite how you feel towards them. Feelings come and go and waiver. Feelings are the worst foundation to have in a marriage and will certainly end in divorce if and when things get rocky.
'Feelings are the worst foundation to have in a marriage and will certainly end in divorce if and when things get rocky.'Click To TweetI recently heard a podcast about “Crafting Your Marriage Statement” by the Beating50Percent couple. We don’t necessarily have a mission statement yet, but we learned early on our priorities from most significant to least with God at the top.
If you have your marriage deeply rooted with a foundation in God, that certainly makes it strong. But then it takes patience, determination, and a lifelong commitment to choose to love your spouse. It also may take the help of a qualified Christian counselor. Stay tuned for more parts to this marriage series of “Til’ Death Do Us Part…Waiting on Death”.
“God made them male and female from the beginning of creation. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” Mark 10:6-9
Stay hopeful!
The American Association of Christian Counselors is a resource you can trust to find the right counselor for your specific circumstances.
2 Comments
Good stuff Heather! I appreciate very much the link to Christian Counseling. I think this is SO important. No matter what happens in a marriage, I think that having the Lord and what he calls us to in His Word is definitely key to staying strong together especially when it gets hard. Recently my hubby and I have found some very helpful things in learning about our personalities through the MBTI results. We don’t rely on it- and there are definitely flaws- but it has actually brought insight into things we couldn’t quite name before in ourselves. Kinda brings to light God’s intricate design in people as well!
Oh awesome! I’ve never heard of it but we have taken multiple personality tests that help bring things to light 😆. 5 love languages test is also another one that helped.