I hate to be a downer on Cinco de Mayo but it is what it is. My emotions are raw and it has been a heavy day. Today marks 4 years that my Dad has not been here with us. We finally laid him to rest by spreading his ashes like he requested. I was glad to spend time celebrating his life with my Mom and Sister taking in the sights of the golf course and lake. I got home and wanted to just binge watch something to make me feel better but I turned to the Word and posting this instead.
Seeing my Dad go from athletic and energetic to not being able to do anything for himself was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. Then he passed away. The grief was delayed but hit nonetheless. And it still hits at random times. I definitely haven’t handled the loss perfectly but God has really helped me through it. I have to remember to not make best friends with heavy feelings for too long. I know that I will see my Dad again in heaven. I’m glad he’s there instead of suffering like he was from cancer.
I don’t understand why things happen the way they do. Tragedy strikes out of nowhere and does not discriminate. Good people are taken too soon and parents bury their babies. But I realize it’s not God’s fault. It’s not even cancers fault like I thought. The world we live in is the product of humanity’s choices. We have diseases, wars, and hate crimes. We don’t live forever and we all have an expiration date whether we’re ready or not. God all the while sees us and cares. He never leaves us alone.
In one my darkest moments, I was exhausted, alone, and afraid in the dark. I had the intercom up to my ear ready to help my Dad if he called while I was sleeping. But I was so tired of responding to his calls 24/7 and I was overwhelmed. I was also scared to go check on him because I knew anytime he could pass away. I opened my phone and listened to the Kari Jobe song, “Never Alone”. Immediately I felt God was saying to me, “I’m right here with you daughter and you’re not alone. You’re stronger than you think and you are going to make it through.”
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Psalms 34:18
I’m not sure if you’re in a valley type of season where things are either blah or overwhelming. Maybe you’re on the mountaintop and everything is peachy. Just remember when hard times strike, that God is right there with you. You’re not alone. Your Father in heaven does see you and care. He knows the pain you’re experiencing even if no one else does. And remember that you’re stronger than you think and that you will get through this.
“Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.”
Deuteronomy 31:6
A Prayer For You
Lord, I know that You see my pain and care. Please bring comfort and joy in the midst of my sorrow. Bring peace in the midst of my chaos. Bring strength in the midst of my desperation and weakness. Thank You for always being with me. In Jesus’ name, amen.
The song that really spoke to me by Kari Jobe is below. Stay hopeful friends!
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