Is It Okay to Not Be Okay?

Becoming Mentally Strong Part 2

As Christians, we feel this pressure to put on a face, to be strong even when we’re falling apart inside. When is it okay not to be okay?

In Part 1, we discussed how to be mentally strong in the midst of stress and anxiety, but what about the in-between time? What about if we feel deep sorrow and abandoned by God at times?

If it wasn’t okay to not be okay and express our feelings, then why does scripture point us to people and situations of deep sorrow and even anger towards God? There’s an entire book of the Bible called Lamentations devoted to lamenting, not to mention several other places in the Bible, such as Psalms, where great emotion is expressed.

To lament means to express sorrow, mourning, or regret, often demonstratively. There are many reasons to lament, such as the actual loss of something or someone, difficult seasons or situations we face, difficult people or even enemies making life miserable for us, feeling let down by others, and, yes, even God. So why do we feel it’s not okay to be transparent and feel what we feel?

Why hide behind fake smiles and say, “We’re doing well”? Why do we feel judged by other Christians if we express dissatisfaction with situations and difficulties we go through?

Heather, You’re a Hypocrite!

You may be going, but wait a minute. I’ve read past posts from you, Heather, about choosing joy and acting better than we feel when facing trials. That would be absolutely true, and I still stand by those things I’ve shared that I believe were from the Lord. We’re discussing the step between having emotions where “it’s okay not to be okay” and the other side of that is overcoming things with the Lord’s help.

Only by God’s strength and grace can we overcome things that typically tear others down.

I’ve been experiencing my own weakness and inadequacies lately, and a phrase that keeps coming to mind is this… “for when I’m weak, then I am strong.” It makes absolutely no sense without the context….

It comes from ‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9‭-‬10,‬ where God replies to Paul experiencing trials and says:

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”

Paul explains that now he is glad to boast about his weaknesses so Christ’s power can work through him. That’s why he says (in almost a sick way if you don’t get it) that he takes pleasure in his weaknesses and the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles he suffers for Christ. He explains this because, “When I am weak, then I am strong.”

This concept has always been something I’ve struggled with. How can we be strong when we’re being weak simultaneously? But after dealing with taking care of my dad and the loss of him, there’s no other way I would’ve gotten through it like I did (without drowning) unless God’s peace and strength intervened in my heart and mind during my weakest moments.

Since I’ve entered motherhood with two beautiful daughters, I’m learning what this scripture means: that when I’m weak, He is strong. I’ve sung the “Jesus Loves Me” song to my girls and have heard it all my life, starting as a little girl from my mom, but I’m finally getting the words “They are weak but He is strong.”

The same goes for the hymn “I Cast All My Cares”. I’m understanding with tears in my eyes right now, just how special this song is to me. Just check out below how short and sweet this classic hymn is.

“I Cast All My Cares Upon You

I Lay All Of My Burdens

Down At Your Feet

And Anytime That I Don’t Know

What To Do

I Will Cast All My Cares Upon You”

I Cast All My Cares Upon You

Throughout the Bible, we see time and again where God expresses His emotions of not only joy and satisfaction but also grief and anger. Doesn’t it say in scripture that we were created in God’s image? No wonder we have big feelings and emotions (some more than others) that plague us.

Is It Okay to Be Angry with God?

I know I have been angry at God on multiple occasions as a Christian. For instance, I was angry about being put in situations of continual hurt that I couldn’t control. Angry at having to wait in silence for times of breakthrough. Angry at seeing others go through things they should never have to.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think feeling anger towards God is okay; it’s a natural response. Many scriptures express anger towards God because of what they or others face. As I’ve matured as a Christian, I’ve learned not everything is God’s fault, and it’s really not even Him who deserves our anger. From my experience, sin, evil, and free will are to blame for bringing down consequences.

Where We Have to Be Careful in Being Angry with God

Diseases, hate crimes, and all sorts of wickedness in this world are the cause of all types of devastation, not God. The root of this evil goes back to the garden where Eve and Adam set us all up for heartache by giving into the temptation of satan. And now we have temptations and free will ourselves. We have to decide how we’re going to respond.

Our temptation is to either not be transparent and truthful about how we feel OR, on the other hand, wallow in self-pity and become completely hopeless. Will we choose hope over despair in the midst of profound loss and anger?

Sometimes, we miss where our troubles come from. It’s not all God’s fault. We also miss the mark on healthily handling our big emotions. Being mentally strong is, I believe, impossible without God. He alone is our source of hope and peace when things don’t go our way. Without God, so many turn to pills to help mask their pain and feelings of hopelessness. Life is tough, but it’s nearly impossible to make it through things without God, at least for me, in my experience.

“One definition of forgive means to give up anger and need for revenge. If you still have anger and a need for revenge, you have not forgiven. Another translation of forgive is to show mercy and grace.” Jentezen Franklin

If we aren’t careful, our anger can turn into bitterness and resentment, which will eat away at our souls and livelihood, whether we’re angry at God or others. I was listening to a sermon about parenting by Jentezen Franklin, and he shared that he believes unresolved anger is the single most common cause of broken families.

I know I sure had a tough time forgiving my dad, but it was such a weight lifted off when I did. Our relationship was restored, although I still had to establish boundaries because he didn’t necessarily change. More on that in “Look What You Made Me Do“.

So What’s the Balance of These Things?

The balance between not being okay but not letting total isolation and despair set in, stealing our joy and peace…

We must first always, always, ALWAYS go to God with our cares and complete transparency. He can handle it; He knows already because He is God and all-knowing. He created us with those emotions in His image! But He is our ultimate source of wisdom and strength to overcome and get the help we (sometimes desperately) need.

It’s okay to acknowledge and accept our feelings and “not be okay.”

Find out where they’re coming from, whether they’re right, wrong, or indifferent, so we know how to pray. Then, I believe we should share what we’re experiencing with trusted people or a Christian counselor. But God is always the answer, and He can point us to the help we need.

A Prayer For You

Lord Jesus, I cast ALL my Cares upon You [insert here your personal needs and feelings]. I feel so much relief when I call out to You for help, and I know You’ll help me now. Please give me the strength, wisdom, and whatever else I need to get through these things. Please give me Your joy and peace like only You can give. I thank You that You’re going to do it. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Is It Okay to Not Be Okay?